I believe in humans. Yes, we have flaws. Yes, we have certain tendencies and animalistic traits. But we are given the divine ability to resist them, to overcome. To say no.
I don't know if we're polygamous, if men only want sex and multiple partners, if women want attention from different men. I don't really know.
What I surely know is that we were given an ability to overcome this, and with this ability, we are fully responsible for our actions. We can say no. No, I won't sleep with other women. No, I won't seek the attention of different men. Whatever flaws we have, we are given the ultimate ability to realize them, understand them, resist them, and—with enough work, patience, power—to overcome them.
I believe family is the most important thing you can ever do. I really do, with my whole heart, believe this. But at the same time, I'm so magnetized to power. I want power. I want to conquer the world. I want to feel power. I want to have power under me and command it. I want to control people. Control things. Control.
I hate chaos. I hate the uncertainty of this chaos. The future is chaos. I'm scared of the future. I use planning to cope with it. This is peculiar, because at the same time I'm drawn to this poison. I'm drawn to chaos.
And I believe I know why.
I believe man is order and woman is chaos. The purpose of man is to make order out of chaos. I'm not sure of the purpose of woman. I really don't know. I have some ideas. Maybe the purpose of woman is just... to be. To be chaos. To be emotional, to be nuclear, to be energetic, to be colorful, to be beautiful. To be chaos.
Woman is an allegory for the world. Man is the craftsman. He is the maker. Man hates uncertainty. His one and only purpose is to solve problems. Solve uncertainty. How? By making order out of it. He tries to tame it, even. He looks at the world and tries to make sense of it. He solves problems. Woman is a problem for man. But this is where the divine comes in, I believe.
Woman is the only problem man can't solve. Woman is unsolvable. Woman is the constant of this world. Because woman is the world.
Man loves solving problems. Man gets satisfaction from solving problems. He thus desires problems. As long as there are problems, man is happy.
Woman is the unsolvable problem. And so, man falls in love.
Woman, maybe, wants to be solved. I don't know. I'm just trying to... solve it.
Woman likes this. She likes man's perpetual attention, attempts, and love. Each time, man gets closer and closer to solving her. But each time he exclaims in innovation, he only realizes there is simply... more. More problems to ponder about and solve. A never-ending more.
Man laughs, feeling progress, feeling high, feeling.
Woman smiles, feeling love, feeling high, feeling.
Or so I believe.